Strange confessions...

I love "The Office". I love "History of the World, Part 1". I love Tin-Tan's movies (*). I love fish tacos. I love greasy food. I love beer. I love "stupid" movies (like Adam Sandler's "Anger Management"). I love Sinaloa's music (specially "Banda del Recodo", without vocals please!). I love the sense of "surprise" when you are travelling and things do not work out exactly as you planned. I love being silly. I love laughing until my ribcage hurts. I love that I sneeze really loudly. I love Mexican "ficheras" movies (**). I love songs sang by "Piporro"(***). I love Mexican music in general (but specially traditional, like huapango, tambora, norteño, etc.)

Not so strangely, I love my daughters, I love my wife.

See you around.

(*) Mexican comedian, that popularized the "Pachuco" style.
(**) In the 70's and 80's most of Mexican movies showed the Mexican Night clubs and brothels; the women that worked there dancing with the clientele got a token ("ficha" in Spanish) for each song danced or drink. "Fichera" was the name that designated those women.
(***) Eulalio Gonzalez "Piporro", sang norteño songs (he was from Monterrey or Chihuahua or somewhere around) with special commentary during the song. Like saying that Porfirio Cadena (a.k.a. "The glass-eyed") was a good shot because he had better vision with the glass eye ("he saw with zoom"). Really funny stuff.

Assume means…

… making an ass out of you and me.

How many times has this happened? I do something or she does something and then misunderstanding happens in all directions. I just get tired of the whole exercise.

However… what is the main reason of misunderstandings? Assuming something happened because of whatever. Never asking for confirmation. Sometimes there is no opportunity to ask and when finally is, communication is in “faulty” mode. Who is to blame? Anybody but the one looking for the answer.

I have been married almost 13 years. I have been with Bonita for a little more than 13 years (yes, I am married to her!). The one thing we have not been able to solve is the communication failure. Manipulation of “self-improvement” concepts, thinking that saying “I love you” will fix anything, avoiding “touchy” subjects; anything is allowed in order to escape blame and guilt. And is not that important, you know? Because we have been together for 13 years and it has worked, but at times is tiresome.

I remember when I got to Tijuana the dynamic at work was really bad. There were two teams of people that should be working together and blasting each other and sabotaging were the “standard” practices. I was really naïve (or maybe way to much Machiavellian, I am not sure!) and then suggested an open communication exercise. You could say whatever you wanted of other people in their faces and they should listen and wait for their turn. After everyone spoke then discussion could happen. There was only one guy missing. Guess what, everyone wanted to talk to that guy!! Isn’t it amazing, the self-preservation instinct? That guy avoided the whole thing and after that nobody had the guts or the opportunity to say nothing to him.

At times, I feel like that with Bonita. It is amusing (at times) how she complains that I have to be right about anything that we discuss (regardless of the importance), but she does not recognizes that she is never wrong about situations that happen between us. Of course this is a biased opinion (I assume…).

Anyway, I am ranting; and venting. I am tired. I am tired because of reasons nothing to do with Bonita; it’s mostly work. And I know that if I do not vent/rant/write I will feel really bad later (*).

See you around.

(*) Not later “tonight-later”, more like “tomorrow/weekend-later”. Tonight we will visit Will and Maria and that alone will be an excellent opportunity to relax and enjoy spending time with good friends (and we will be civil too!!)

Patriotism...

... is the value of the month in Mediana and Pinka's school.

So, during the conversation with Will (who according to his recollection was drunk but I did not notice) last Friday we talked about Mexico's history (The Heroic Cadets) and Mexican food (Chiles en Nogada).

So, I kept thinking about a comment he made about quotes and the one quote that is my favorite from the Mexican history. It has to do with the US invasion into Mexico in 1847 (almost 70 years later we retaliated with Pancho Villa! Mexico is the only country to ever invade US! and yes, I feel proud of that little known fact); after the US troops took over the Army Academy in the Castle of Chapultepec (and got the Heroic Cadets as a result of that) they battled the Mexican Army in Churubusco; beat General Pedro Maria Anaya who then was asked where was the ammunition; his answer was: "Si hubiera parque, no estaria usted aqui" ("If I had any ammunition, you would not be here"). Enough said.

See you around.

30 days has September...

… and none to waste.

As busy as it was last week, it ended in a very good note. The (becoming) traditional bi-weekly blogmeet took place in a fancy restaurant in TJ; as usual Maria, Will and us were there and we had a great time, with great food and drinks. All of us were tired, but enjoyed so much that we stayed until half past midnight. Great conversations and great times!

On Saturday, Bonita and I woke up early to attend a work related event in Real del Mar; I met a lot of people I had not seen for a while and had conversations with most of them work-related, nothing really important. Had breakfast and lunch in a couple of “healthy” places; it was OK.

On Sunday, we went across the border to do a number of pending issues, like returning the “infamous” luggage carrier that opened during the vacation and to buy the replacement bar stools for the remodeled kitchen; in any case, there were we, both of us having breakfast at Achiote (which is owned by the same people as La Espadaña) when things started to go awry.

It had happened last Wednesday that we attended our monthly couples counseling session. This time we were talking about parenting and the counselor gave us homework. Related to the values we lived our lives (as individuals) when we were in the 20~25 years old and the values we have now.

Bonita hit the ground running and immediately started working on hers. I, as usual, dragged my feet, since this kind of activity has some ill effects on me. I do not like to do them. I try to delay this as much as I can. So, when on Sunday, Bonita started asking me questions about my values then and now, and started (what I felt like) pushing me to answer, I did not take that on stride. I resented the whole thing, and when we were having breakfast I snapped at her and made a comment about how she is the worst (insert adjective here) who does not do (insert activity here) for me. Out of the blue for her, I knew and later mentioned that the reason for me to do that was “revenge” because I felt pushed by her and did not want to complete the conversation.

She was hurt; I think she is still hurt. I apologized, several times already. But she is still behaving coldly with me.

Anyway, after feeling like sh1t yesterday after breakfast (I could not finish it, my mouth went sour after the discussion), I decided to try to tackle the “values” thing, at least the part when I was young(er).

So, with a small explanation for each one, here they are:

1) Independence: I lived with my parents until I was 17, after that I moved to Guadalajara, with my aunt and uncle until I was 22. The parenting style was so different that I felt trapped with them. They are really nice people, but when I was that age, I did not want my parents (least my relatives!) to be hovering over me and whatever I did! I could not “misbehave” at all: not drinking, smoking, spending the night away from home. So, basically it was no fun at all. So, I took advantage that my brother Tobal moved to Guadalajara to attend college and we moved out my relatives’ house.
2) Individuality: I loved and love my family (parents, siblings, etc.) But after a long time, I started taking vacation without them. I did a lot of things on my own those days. Like getting in a café to read the paper and not to worry about anything at all. I think I should call this differently, because what I lived then was the sensation that I had no responsibility over nobody but myself. And I enjoyed that a lot. In the same theme, I was trying to complete my identity, keeping away from the majority, whatever that meant.
3) Friends and family relationships: I like(d) to be around friends, and at the time, I developed a sense of comfort being around my family too.
4) Honesty: I disliked, and still do, people that lied. More so when they lie to take advantage of me. Only remember one case, but still stings.

There are some other values I lived at the time: Responsibility, Intellectual Status, Cooperation come to mind… in any case; the four I listed were the most important to me at the time.

I have to get to list the values I have now… tough task.

See you around.