Theory and Practice

I ran into this phrase yesterday:

"In theory, theory and practice are the same; in practice they are different", (or something like that), by Yogi Berra.

So, I thought, in theory; what I think and what I write in my blog are the same things. However, once written, they are not.

I have been challenged, to put my money where my mouth (writing?) is. Bring the light to the deep darkness that is inside me. I am not talking about the good/bad/any-kind-of-judgment-you-want-to-make issues I have, but the issues I have been avoiding in these blogs.

Last Sunday I was thinking about that. There are lots of things I want to say, share, publish, make “permanent” in writing; but I am scared... I am scared and try to rationalize that fear by redirecting it to one main “reason” for not doing it. I will hurt others. My friends (!), my parents (!!), my daughters (!!!), my wife (!!!). The truth is that I am scared of being hurt. I have been hurt before, therefore I do not want to get hurt again. And the way I will be hurt if I say whatever is in my mind, is that nobody would love/like me if they knew me better.

Stupid thinking, isn’t it? Because in theory… your friends, parents, daughters/sons and life partner love you regardless (or because) of you are. But in practice… nobody really knows you, most of times not even you know you; then, who do they like/love?

In theory; if you have the opportunity to be hurt, you also have the opportunity to really enjoy the pleasure/benefits/good-feeling/results of what you were exposing yourself to.

In practice… you keep hiding behind a wall. You are not hurt, but you can not enjoy life as much. Stay in control; reduce the risk by reducing the reward. Like a gambler, or an investor playing the market.

I was not always like that; or maybe I was, but do not remember it. I blame it on my parents, an ex-girlfriend, a couple of people I hate, etc., etc. Never on me. But… bringing to mind yesterday’s post… it is my decision; I am responsible of who I am.

I would cry if I could, but I can not cry; physically cry. My eyes will fill with tears, but I can not get them out. They will dry out before shedding a tear. And that makes me sad.

I will get there…

See you around.